What I’ve Learned Through the Years

~ by Sue Staropoli – Revised 4/7/25

This message, on the occasion of my 80th birthday, is a revision of a reflection I offered 20 years ago, on my 60th birthday. 

In reviewing the previous document, I noticed that the most important lessons of the past 20 years have been:

1) What is most important is who I am, not what I do or achieve. (I spent much of my life thinking I had to work hard to prove my worth.)

2) I am intimately connected with the natural world where I am most deeply grounded and guided.

3) No matter how much ugliness and pain are in the news – beauty abounds!  I can’t save the world (which I tried to do for so many years!) but my work is to bring beauty and kindness into our world, wherever I am. And to appreciate the beauty all around me.

There are also many changes in the lessons learned through my life………… I hope this will support you on your own journey………

You are lovable and beautiful and “good enough,” just as you are.   You don’t have to change or do or achieve anything.  Know that your unique love, talents and presence bring goodness into the world. Avoid competing or comparing yourself to others. Self-reflection and self-honesty are central to finding peace and personal growth (e.g. I am responsible for my own feelings).

Humility is claiming both our strengths and weaknesses.  We are all imperfect, weak in some ways, and make mistakes.  Learn to forgive and accept yourself – “warts and all.” Catch your inner voice of self-judgement. Then you will be better able to forgive and accept others with their limitations. And celebrate your strengths and gifts!

Know you are never alone.  You are an intimate part of all Life (not separate as we’ve been led to believe) – so you’re always connected to other people, all beings and creatures in the natural world, angels/ancestors in the spirt world. We are interconnected and interdependent as part of the cosmic dance of life, including the sky and moon! The Earth is a living sacred being, and we and all creatures are part of her! Let us move from human supremacy to sacred reciprocity with all Life. The flow of receiving and giving.

Slow down to relax and notice / appreciate the gifts all around you each day – e.g. taking “awe walks” in the natural world, or perhaps just a shift in attitude as you pay attention to good things around you.

Life is both brilliantly beautiful and tragically painful – and we are called to hold both those realities, often at the same time – celebrating the beauty and joy in life while grieving the heartaches and losses.

Always believe in yourself and follow the guiding voice within you.  That is the most important voice to listen to.  Be faithful to your deepest desires and values, so you can live in harmony with your own spirit and unique purpose.

Find practices that connect you with your heart and nurture your spirit – e.g. walking in nature, music, morning rituals, silence, yoga, art, meditation, dancing, gratitude journal, grieving, activities that bring you joy.

Listening is one of the most important practices as we find what is ours to be / do in our hurting but beautiful world – listening to yourself (intuitions/dreams/feelings), others, the natural world, ancestors, spirit, world needs, etc. – for guidance and support on your life journey.

Look for the good in every person and every situation. There are always seeds of blessing hidden within hardships and challenges.  Trust that there is a bigger picture beyond what you can see or understand, and that “Life is Good!”

Find community for mutual support, and mentors (living or deceased) to learn from. Make sure you have a “safe place” (person or community) where you can express what you’re really thinking and feeling. We are meant to share the journey with others as we walk through the highs and lows of life. One of my favorite quotes: “Whatever the problem, community is the answer.”

In these times it is especially important to feel all our feelings and grieve our losses together in community, while celebrating the gifts of each moment.  May we have the wisdom and courage to bless the world with our unique presence and talents.

Nurture an attitude of gratitude – take time each day to notice and appreciate the ordinary gifts and moments of joy.

Pamper yourself in some small way each day.  Remember that you can care for others only as you care for yourself.  

Love is the only power that can overcome and transform fear, hatred, pain and terrorism. Forgiveness opens our hearts to that love. When we take actions of resistance, let us make sure they come from a place of love and connection, not division, fear and anger.

I’ve found it freeing to “surrender into not knowing” – to learn and practice walking with courage and love into the unknown, open to whatever mystery is unfolding in the future, and knowing I can be part of creating a more loving world for future generations.

Life is a journey with blessings, challenges, heartaches and lessons along the way.  Embrace it all!

My special message to you all –

“All I ask of you is forever to remember me as loving you.”

WHAT DO I ENJOY IN MY LIFE?  (this is a great self-reflection question)

• Walking in beauty and my connection with the natural world

• Being with or thinking about my family and friends

• Spending time/sharing with Frank

• Gathering in intimate sharing with others who are facing life open-heartedly with love & courage

• Appreciating goodness and gifts of each moment.

• Sharing my knowledge and life experience with others (passing on what I’ve been given)

• Music – spiritual, mellow, meaningful, fun, oldies

• Playing pickleball

• The relaxation and feeling of a massage

• Dancing

• Seeing people enjoying life

• Learning – expanding my mind and heart

• Reading

• Tai chi

• Warmth – fires, baths/showers, whirlpool, basking in the sun’s rays (though now covered with sunscreen, per my dermatologist! 😊)

• Delight in eating certain favorite foods!

• Relaxing and enjoying life with no pressure or responsibilities – moving with the flow

• Being still and resting in knowing I am loved and safe

• Knowing I’m making a difference in the world

• Being a witness of joy and hope – a light in the world

• Helping others find balance, meaning and joy in their lives